A software engineers Orkut Profile!

This is a forwarded e-mail I got sometime back.

Date: Jan 13, 2008 11:15 PM
Subject: FW: Orkut Profile of a Software Engineer
To: undisclosed-recipients

A software engineer’s Orkut Profile:

*About me*: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am
contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my
work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my
engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly,
I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok…I won’t be funny anymore. I
am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me–> "*Just
stop laughing*!!") *

Relationship Status :* *what*? Shocked *

Birthday :* The day my PL is about to fire me. *

Age :* 101111111111 *

Here for :* *web browsing* in company hours. *
Children *: can’t be (hey, *don’t get me wrong here*!!)

Ethnicity : Programmer. *

Languages I speak* : Java, C/C++, 010101110101 *

Religion* : I get holidays on all religious festivals, so *I love all

Political view *: the guy sitting beside me is a *pig!!

Humour :* weekly. *

Fashion:* Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a *cross-bag.

Smoking :* The second greatest pleasure on the earth. *

Drinking :* The first is this. *

Pets:* Yeah, *my manager looks like a dog*. Smile *

Living:* Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software
engineer? Believe me, I am living!! *

Hometown *:* My company* (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page) *

Webpage: naukri (dot) com , jobs ahead (dot) com* Isn’t it Ultimate??? *

Passions:* searching for the *cheapest pub* around, cursing my company,
looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying
about my future. *

Sports*: quake*, CS (Counter Strike), *computer chess. *

Activities:* Are you crazy? *

Books:* "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101
ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps",*

Music:* Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, *and anything depressing..

TV shows* : can’t afford one. *

Cuisines* : Bread Butter, Maggie, anything available within 200 meters of my

*Cell Phone: *Keep your cell Phones silent…(Don’t use rest rooms for
entertaining GF/BF)

*Work Phone: *Company phones are for internal use.(Company don’t pay you for
making  personal calls…)

* Occupation: *white collar Donkey work

*Career Interests :* Management, Entrepreneurship…….(ha… ha….)

*First thing you will notice about me: *Exhausted, Fwding fwded
mails….(ha… ha…)

*Turn-on’s:* Appreciation from manager

*Turn offs: *Bugs from client side against me…..

*My idea of a perfect first date:* Me & my partner ….I am showing him/her
my bug free code….(isn’t that every developer’s dream?…… ;)  )

*Five things I cant live without: *Fwd ed mails, GTalk, Coffee , Hope for
next & good Appraisal , Hard rock music

*In my bedroom you will find: *Do you think you will find a way for sleeping
in bedroom…. I think they should have ask like this. In my cubicle you
will find……. ha ha…..

Accountant/CA Jokes

Two  friends died. One a CA and another a Doctor. They reached Yamaloka.
Yamraj:   You both have committed  same sins and both seems to have  same merits. So doctor will get 5 year in hell and  CA  1.5 years hell term.
Doctor asked Yama : Why I got 3.5 years more when our sins are equal

Yamraj :  CA has already served 3.5 yr hell in articleship. So he got less term.

Banner in front of the CA coaching centre :
“Drive slowly, don’t kill our students… leave them to us.”

We had many options to end our life.
Poison, Sleeping pills, Hanging,
Jump from building, Sleep under a train..
But we choose the bravest… to pursue CA.

Are you? :
Emotionally Numb?
Romantically Starved?
Creatively Challenged?
Artistically Void?
Socially Outcast?
Congratulations You are a CA Student!!

Teacher: Osama has 5 wives and 20 Children,
Laloo has a wife and 9 children. Who is better?
CA Student: Osama’s NPV is good but Laloo’s IRR is better.

Irritating audits, Fighting on stupid issues,
Everyday classes, Dangerous boss,
More expenditure, Less stipend,
People call it ARTICLESHIP, We call it LIFE.

Heated Gold becomes ornament
Beated copper becomes wire
Depleted stome become statue
Tortured Student become CA!

On a board before a church:

A C.A. student who happened to saw this writes below it

New poem by Satyam:
Raju Raju, Yes Papa,
Cheating us, No papa,
Telling lies, =No papa,
Open your balance sheet
ha ha ha…

Student at Medical Shop : I need poison
Chemist: I can’t sell you that.
(Student shows his CA books)
Chemist: Oh sorry, I didn’t know you had a prescription.

The CA course is very much similar to public Toilet.
Reason: People outside are desperate to come in…and people inside are dying to come out!

Lives will change…

Courage will be shaken…

Destiny will be chosen…

From the makers of “CPT”…

Comes the sequel…


Coming soon at exam hall near you… Enjoy!

CA vs Space Engineer Student

A CA and a Space Engineering student go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the CA wakes his Engineer friend and says:

“Look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

The Engineer replies, “I see millions of stars.”

The CA asks, “What does that tell you?”

The Space Engineer  ponders for a minute…. “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?

The CA sat silent for a moment, then speaks…. “Practically. ..Someone has stolen our tent, while we were sleeping”.

Why Smith can’t get good Jobs in America

 Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 AM. While his coffeepot (Made In CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (Made In HONG KONG ). He put on a dress shirt ( MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans ( Made In SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA ). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet
(Made In INDIA ) he sat down with his
calculator ( Made In MEXICO ) TO SEE HOW MUCH
(Made In TAIWAN)
to the radio ( Made In INDIA ) he got in
his car ( Made In GERMANY ) filled it with GAS from Saudi Arabia and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.   At the
end of yet another discouraging and
fruitless day checking his Computer 
(Made In Malaysia ), Joe decided to relax for a while! He put on his sandals (Made In BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine ( Made In FRANCE.! ) and turned on his TV (Made In INDONESIA ), and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job in … America!!

From [Jobs in America]